Here we go, here we go, here we gooooo...
Scratch that, it's way too early in the morning for that sort of thing. Only people who have spent the preceding hours of darkness drinking like it was the end of the millennium would think, in so far as they were capable of thinking while in that state of inebriation where the random firing of a neuron gets interpreted as deep philosophy, that that first line was appropriate.
But this isn't where the story starts. Well, maybe it is, but there are events that occurred before today that need to be told. Since I hate those flashback scenes (because of the eye strain) and I refuse to write this bit with everyone avec sideburns and in arty black-and-white (and I'm not talking pen colour here), I'll call it The Prolog.